Thank you for your answer speedy. I am having a very difficult time and I'm sorry to hear of all that you went through and are continuing to go through . Did you move so often due to harassing neighbors when your husband was alive? Seems that is the implication. I am not sure what it is but people just seem hateful these days . Seems to be getting worse and worse.
I do agree that people like to harass single women. I knew two women, one of whom I am still friendly with, that had no problems until their husbands left them either temporarily or permanently. One living on my former St. continues to be badly harassed, especially by her rear male neighbors who would not take no for an answer and continued to sexually harass her. This was one of many incidents but it was the worst. After her husband divorced her, she started going through the same things that I had been going through. We both lived on the same street and around the same people. The last time I drove by her house she had a huge bamboo shield up around the gate and a blanket over her front window so I assume she is still having these problems. We don't talk anymore though. Another lady was temporarily separated from her husband and also encountered not only harassment but many men such as repairmen trying to take advantage of her. She was still in touch with her husband during this temporary separation and he would always have to come down and help her. Possibly this is one reason they got back together.
One of my worst NsFh was a single man who lived across the street from me when I moved in. Every day he was outside staring at me, but he was very sneaky about it and hiding that he was doing this. Eventually he was trying to be my friend and at that time I was having problems with my druggy neighbors, so I was happy to have anybody as a friend. I did not suspect him of ulterior motives, but he did have. Of course anytime a man pays attention to a single woman, the thought occurs that he may be interested in more than friendship, but I was not interested in him in that way and I thought I made it clear. I did encourage him to date other women and finally he did and married one and then things got even worse. But apart from being single, I always sensed that he had a mean streak in him and that was one of the reasons I did not want to date him. I do not think everybody's hateful to single women but there are many who are and as you said, many who are threatened. After this Nfh's wife left him, two single women moved into a house nearby. As he did with me, he was outside every day watching them, but he was a little more obvious than when he was doing it to me. After a few weeks of this, theyhad some men come over to stay with them. I am not sure if they were relatives or what. After the men came, that Nfh stopped watching them obsessively and crawled back into his home and left them alone.
My current Nfh is a single older woman, she often has her sons visit her. There is always trouble when they come and I am not sure what she has said about me. She never plays on a level playing field. She only harasses me when they are here, or when she has other people with her and so on. She has befriended a married couple next-door to her, but seeing how twisted she is, I really cannot believe they are truly friends because she only is concerned about herself and manipulating people. That said, she has often played the victim to them and turned them against me. When the police made her raise the dividing wall between our backyards, she also raised the dividing wall between herself and this married couple. This also made me wonder how friendly they truly are despite appearances.
I do know that it is about power and control, as you said, but it still bothers me. Truly this woman terrifies me. I am still scared from the last incident where she was hiding in her garage with someone and trying to intimidate me when I took the trash out. I don't scare that easily but she is very creepy and threatening. There are kind people in this world, but she is mean and evil and I am sure she has done the same things to other people as she's doing to me, because she is too good at it and not getting caught.
It would help if the other neighbors would do something, but as you say they are married couples who will only talk to each other and not talk to me.
I did find in the Los Angeles area that there are more single career women who are able to live their lives without so much grief as in suburbia, which is more often couples. Even if the woman is working here, it is usually for the money and not as a career or lifestyle choice.
I don't want to bash all men, but most do seem to see single women as available to them and do not seem able to believe that a woman has the same rights to live their own life as a single person without a man that they do. Even in my last rental home in the Los Angeles area , after about three years my landlord started to sexually harass me and after about seven years, my next-door neighbor turned into an Nfh, doing the same thing. I just called my landlord's wife after too much of this, and asked her to please come with her husband whenever he had to come to my home because he was making me uncomfortable. My landlord was furious that I did this, but his wife did get the point and did come to my home whenever he did after that. This stopped most of the problems but that every time I had a date, the landlord would show up the next day asking questions. When I finally did find a man that I was interested in, the landlord went crazy and threatened me and this man and called us both names. At this point it was too much for me and I finally did move after 15 years of living in the same place which I considered my home.
I really am not sure what the answer is anymore. I had no problems at my first apartment in New Mexico. The management and the neighbors were nice and I enjoyed living there. However I wanted to own my own house and when I finally did that, is when things got really bad. Now I am in my second house that I had hoped to make my home and things are even worse than they were in my first house. I find this very heartbreaking and discouraging. My other next-door neighbor is also a single older woman and she does not bother me at all and stays to herself. My Nfh is also harassing her to a lesser extent than me. This despite that we are all single. The Nfh has stolen this woman's solar lights from her front yard and put them in her own yard for everybody to see. She is very bold and hateful. Nfh recently also kicked all my landscaping gravel all over the place and to a lesser extent, she did the same to my other neighbor. That neighbor has not said anything to me or called the police. But two neighbor men living together, possibly father and son, did move after the solar light theft incident.
I just don't get why my Nfh has to be so hateful and frightening. I am sure my other neighbor is bothered by her actions also, but she has not confided in me.
Now that my health is at a crisis point, these things have become unbearable. I am tired of being scared all the time and being terrorized by this woman who is such a horrible bully. My goal, if I can do is to return to the Los Angeles area where single women are more accepted. But I am starting to wonder if I will ever be strong enough to get out of here both mentally and physically.
It sounds to me like you have taken more control of your life than I have and are more at peace with your situation then I am. I am not sure how much longer I can live like this.
You might like the book called Gift of Fear, which is written by Gavin de Becker. Among other things, he does address issues that are unique to women and he is a world renowned security expert. I do remember one thing from this book where he talks about how most men do not understand the things women go through. He said that he asked man when was the last time they were afraid and most could not remember. But when he asked this of women, most said something like yesterday or a few days ago. I have read this book many times and it used to be at my local library. I know for sure that it is available on Amazon.
Thanks for sharing and I hope that things get better for you. Thank you for the good wishes