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 Post subject: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 2:42 pm 
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Venerable

Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 9:37 pm
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I had one person I was friendly with on this street, off and on, for years. We were on the phone when loud fireworks went off and I asked her to call the cops or do something and she said she would think about it. She called last night and said "I did you a BIG favor." I asked what happened and she said people near her had been setting off fireworks and she walked down and confronted them and asked them to stop in a nice way and they did. She then went about telling me how I had done everything wrong, as sort of like 'I can handle this but you can't.' I should never have let the new NFH in my house. I should have talked nicer to them when I caught them trespassing instead of telling them to get lost and on and on. I thanked her for talking to the other new NsFH (people keep moving from this street, I wonder why....) and WAS glad to hear this, but did not expect to hear her crowing on how easy it was for her to do and how I was doing all wrong. I have tried to confront people and walked down the street several times, but never caught them and same for the cops. However when I caught NsFH trespassing I did confront them and asked them to stop setting off fireworks, along with 'stay off my property, esp. when I am not home' and so on. I was not going to call the cops but 5 minutes later they set off more fireworks from inside the house and that ticked me off, so I did. She said if it was her, she would have watched for a while if she saw them trespassing and tried to talk more nicely than I did and sort of hinted I brought this on myself by letting new NFH (who I hoped would be a friend) in my house to help fix my shower when she offered.

Then it seemed she would hardly stop picking on me (I had had a good day for a change and been asleep when she called taking a nap) - going on and on about me being negative (about the neighbors) because I could not solve the problem and she claims she did on her end. So I tried talking about positive things (I had earlier in the conversation, but she had ignored it). Then she started pretty much saying I did not know how to hold a conversation, I was talking nonstop, a conversation was 2 people talking. I responded by saying 'you wanted me to talk about positive things, so I did.' She said 'well, I cannot get a word in edgewise, why don't you ask me how my day went.' So I said 'how did your day go?' and she told me something good that had happened and I said that was nice.

It turned out that then she wanted my opinion for the umpteenth time on some new guy she is dating for the umpteenth time since her husband dumped her and she bragged about how he is in film (I am too, but she ignores it when I talk about) and now apparently found out he is rich - or so he/she says - and is flying all over to go to these film festivals. I had told her I had gone to one last week, which she had ignored. I guess it is great when he does it, but nothing when I do it?

It also turned out that she did not talk to the new NsFH near her the day I asked, but the next day when they continued setting off fireworks.

I had told her that I needed to get out of the house because I was going crazy here and had asked her to do something, which she didn't want to do. Then she told me she went out Sat. night with a friend of hers for dinner (the night after I said I wanted to go out and do something.)

While on the phone still with her, trying to please her, this same friend texted her she needed to talk to her. My so called friend said she would call her and call me right back. She called back in about 10 minutes stating her new friend would not answer the phone and 'what is up with that?' Then the friend called when she was talking to me, so she hung up. An hour later (getting toward midnight) I texted her I was getting tired and getting ready to go to sleep. She texted back that this person was in distress and needed support.

This after telling me earlier I was too negative. I got fed up and went to sleep. Does anyone have feedback on the above?

I felt like I was hit with a Mack truck; it was always enjoyable talking to her and now I feel she turned on me and attacked me. I need at least one ally on this street and now am not sure what to do. I also felt slighted twice with this new person after I said I wanted to go out and instead she went out her. Then my so called friend told me that I was being too negative and interrupted our call because the other person was having problems? I mean, it just doesn't make sense to me. I am pretty down today as I relied on her at least be there if I needed someone to talk to, but now I feel attacked and offended, so not sure what to do.

And I really did not like her telling me she did ME a big favor by talking to NsFH who she was also complaining about. I don't want any more 'favors' from her if the above makes her feel entitled to act as described. "You are too negative, you talk too much, you don't know how to hold a conversation, you are getting this from the neighbors because you don't know how to handle it and I do.' And then, for no apparent reason 'I am dating a guy who is much more successful than you in film and has a lot of money too.' I mean, really.... I was called to work on a film last week and told her then and she said 'that is great' but no questions about it, no comments, nothing. But lots on her side about all the great things this guy she is dating is doing in film.

Oh - and while writing this, 2 more firecrackers went off (a problem she claimed she solved last night). I had let my dog out and I am pretty sure it came from the NFH across the street from me. I walked over there and there was no sulphur smell. My dog was just sitting in front of my door, not barking or anything. But many are afraid of her because she is a Doberman. I let her inside, but I am not sure how much more of this I can take. These people have no right to try to control my life and that of my dog. These people have 2 yappy dogs and my dog is quiet and should be able to enjoy her yard. She was looking directly at the house across the street after I heard the firecrackers, so I am pretty sure they did it.

I mean, this is a totally different situation than where my other neighbor 'friend' caught the NsFH doing it in their front yard, the whole block stunk of sulphur and it was obvious it was them. What am I supposed to do? Go knock on the door of my NFHG and say 'stop that?' I already said it to them in person and so did the police and they are not stopping.

I just let my dog out again as a test and they just set off another firework, so they are definitely doing it to harass her and it is definitely them. I started out writing about losing my ally on the street, but now back to NsFH.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 11:31 pm 
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Liquid Ass !!! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:09 am 
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Venerable

Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 9:37 pm
Posts: 1819
Can you please explain the above? For who, who, what will it do etc Thanks. Feel like I am living in a nightmare.

Actually, bob_o, you just reminded me of something. With regard to above neighbor that I feel has turned on me, she did tell me something that happened to her when she first moved in. She was having trouble with her NDN and despite the advice she gave to me on being friendly to NsFH etc, she was calling authorities on this NDN because her dogs bothered her. The NDN worked for Animal Control and kept telling her that if this kept up, she would lose her job, but above neighbor did not care. The NDN finally moved.

Soon after this, neighbor who grossly upset me, smelt a very fishy smell in her home and could not figure out where it was coming from. Finally, her then husband later climbed to the roof and found a dead fish right above their air conditioning system, which was making the whole house smell awful. She told me about it, but just thought it was odd.

Later I was reading one of those 'Revenge' books (half their solutions are legal, but most are not) and I read this exact same thing in there - 'put a dead or rotting fish above the AC system of your enemy and their whole house will stink.'


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 11:01 am 
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I meant of the firecracker noise makers. Just a joke though.

Liquid ass as a standard response. :lol:

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Oh, so this is normal.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 7:40 am 
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' I am pretty down today as I relied on her at least be there if I needed someone to talk to, but now I feel attacked and offended, so not sure what to do.'

unfortunately when we are troubled and lonely it attracts toxic friendships...about three years ago I was going through a bad experience and I had to curtail almost all my relationships, I was very angry and upset and I felt like people were almost using me as entertainment. The one friend I did keep betrayed me big-style earlier this year, when she turned on me and basically mocked a lot of the things I had shared with her. But I was wise to this kind of thing by now and I didn't react, just sent a polite message back of condolence for a family death ( her excuse for unleashing all this vitriol )

It can be tempting to have any relationship versus no relationships, but the fact is all of us at different times go through periods where there are no significant others in our lives, either because they or we are busy, or relationships break down or bereavements etc etc.

Being able to support ourselves through these periods and take care of ourselves- important life skills.

*

'put a dead or rotting fish above the AC system of your enemy and their whole house will stink.'

huh, sounds crazy. I hated my NfH but the first thing I decided was I will not, no matter what they do to provoke, become like them.

Keeping my integrity has become quite a theme this past difficult few years...but I am convinced it's what's helping me survive and build my confidence back.

*

Last night when I came home someone took my parking spot, not a big deal ( the Mexicans downstairs seem to get very confused about 'rules', as though they are arbitrary. But they are always kindly and I can take it in my stride, since it's not personal ) So when their visitor left and I went out to move my car, the other neighbor was parking. I turned to say hello, haven't seen her for months, and she scuttled off.

I did wonder what's that about...but frankly- what's it matter? I don't need my neighbors to be my friends. Just to behave in a predictable decent manner!

It's hard not to become hyper-sensitive with a NfH experience.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 2:55 pm 
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Big Dawg

Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 2:51 pm
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You buy it online...it's called liquid ass. You squeeze some into their car vent as you are walking by or into their air unit....OMG...amazing revenge ....and no permanent damage


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 7:45 am 
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if you didn't need her as a potential ally, I'd say let the friendship fade. However, you may need her at some point, so I would suggest emotionally detaching and keeping it brief and friend like. I ran into this once. Shortly after the punching incident, another neighbor who I'd been on friendly terms with was having her own NFH problems and her cat was sick. She lashed out and snapped at me. I didn't appreciate that as I was going through my own hell. I nicely said, "well it sounds like you're upset about your cat and understandably so, I'll let you go and we can talk another time when things are calmer."

Also, people aren't always going to be able to give us the support we need because of their own stuff. One of my friends, for example, has aging parents and is under quite a bit of stress from that. One way to preserve friendships is to realize the limits and be grateful for what support can be offered. And always ask about things important to them, even when we're distraught.

And some people, unfortunately, dump on vulnerable people. I lost a friendship over that. I went through a period where I was terrified to leave my home. I was pretty flakey on social plans. The friend worked from home and had a flexible schedule. She got angry with me for being flakey. I thought it was somewhat justified but she handled it the wrong way. I think other people were taking advantage of her schedule and she chose to lash out at me. This, btw, from a woman who called me in tears/panic when her neighbors were playing loud music. Vs. screaming wh*re and b**ch up at my window, which was what I was dealing with.

Plenty of people have odd ideas about helping and Monday morning quarterbacking. Well, with the crap we've dealt with, I think the very fact we've literally survived our NFH means we must be doing something right. Ironically, the most critical people do the least to help. But some of them do mean well.

People say things like "well I would just move" or "I would have punched her in the face". Well, they don't know what the logistics are of selling a place when you can't afford to pay for 2 places. And no one really knows what they do when it comes down to it. I was bullied in my family of origin, in school and in the workplace. I thought I'd curl up in a ball and cry if things got physical. But because of the classes I took, I was able to protect myself.

This experience has taught me I'm pretty much on my own. My therapist and I discussed it and it's very much like grief or illness, you find out who's a real friend and who's a fair weather only friend. Lucky for those of us here, we're pretty strong and resourceful people :) And having this board to be able to communicate with others who "get" it is a huge help.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 8:57 am 
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'People say things like "well I would just move" or "I would have punched her in the face". '

my son said that 'shall I come and thump someone...' very helpful...and the realtor who sold me this place ( without revealing the problem owner next door ) told me I'd have to 'take a hit', by which she meant lose $10 000ish and I suppose an easy sale for her...

'This experience has taught me I'm pretty much on my own. My therapist and I discussed it and it's very much like grief or illness, you find out who's a real friend and who's a fair weather only friend.'

We really are alone, ultimately. Or pay up to belong to a church or talk to a professional...friend is a word with no meaning any more, it's used so frequently and in the most casual contexts.

I always believed if you just be a friend you'll have loads of friends in return, and I found out the hard way that people will take advantage and then when you're not there in the way they want or need you to be, they go away. One friend I helped financially many times over the years, I saw her as a sister, as as close as family. When I got sick and needed my money for myself do you think I ever heard from her again? And a rift had grown between us over a number of things, not least her continued poor decisions which financially put her home and family at risk. I was naïve, I thought she just had a lot of bad luck, but the truth was she made her choices. When I pointed out the amount of money lost by taking retirement at 62 she was angry, and I realized she didn't want the information- she probably knew- she wanted encouragement to go ahead and be irresponsible, with the thought that people would prop her up when she needed it. And over time I'd see her own family stop doing that and wondered why aren't they more supportive...and then later realize they thought I was weird for helping her!

I'm rambling, but I guess what I'm trying to say is it does no good to get too involved with people, life isn't like a Hallmark movie where everyone helps out and it all ends well.

I do believe in kindness as an end in itself. I hope I always believe in goodness and beauty in this world. I just don't have much faith in relationships or community- a lot of that is a myth.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 12:37 pm 
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Venerable

Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 9:37 pm
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Thanks so much for all the support. It has been very difficult here and seems worse, with no calls on my home, the cops tired of the 'same old, same old' and not being able to catch anyone and so on. I did join a church and even that did not work out. People can be so judgmental. This was actually an extension of a church, a support group, but I went to the church too. I talked a lot about my neighbors and especially the NFH who tried to kill me there. Or I tried to in the segment where women were supposed to talk about their week. After 2-3 times mentioning it, it was ignored and I asked the woman in charge there if she didn't believe me. She said she did, but was tired of hearing about it? Really....I eventually found out she was backstabbing me and tried to talk it out, but it went nowhere - she lied. Now we don't talk anymore and I don't go there anymore. It is actually more like a clique than anything else.

I find this statement "unfortunately when we are troubled and lonely it attracts toxic friendships" by Texas Treaty very true. I knew the above woman from a former church support group, but I am actually a Buddhist and never hid it. Suddenly when I went to the second group after bumping into her years later, she made a big deal out of the fact that though I was open to Jesus, I also practiced Buddhism and created a sort of tempest in a teacup. The man in charge did not handle it well and when I finally confronted him, she overheard it and provoked a scene. At least, that is my take on it - which made me look very bad. I had told him to talk to us separately (which I am sure she also overheard, seeing as there was such a small group - maybe 5 people) for fear this would happen, but she was like a dog with a bone and would not let go. "What is wrong? Is it about me?" etc etc. until it blew up - though I am sure she overheard me telling the man to please talk to us separately so this would not happen, as I was sure I'd lose my temper if he didn't (and I did lose my temper due to her provocations_.

I've been friendly neighbors (or so I thought) with the one about whom I posted, but really see no excuse for all the 'vitriol', as Texas Treaty put it, that she unloaded on me. None of us are perfect, including me, and I am not sure I can overlook such a vicious attack. The only 'grace' I am giving her in light of years of our being friendly is lack of retaliation and/or attempt to patch things up or contact her.

She attacked me unnecessarily in several ways, including that I didn't know how to talk to people, she had done me such a big favor by talking to the NsFH down the street and because she was so nice, they stopped setting off the fireworks etc etc. Well, since that time, they have set off the fireworks several times, so really. I felt like calling her and saying 'that is why you call the police (as I had asked her to do) when dealing with criminals and not to criminals, whom you cannot trust.)

The church lady also apparently blamed me for my NsFH, once stating that one of her neighbors had helped her and if I was nicer to mine, same would happen to me. This despite that once she drove me home and saw a skull and crossbones decal on the rear window of NFH's car and said 'they don't look like very nice people.'

Last night I was awakened at 9:30PM by a huge burst of fireworks from the area of the street of my former 'friend' and have heard several others since then, but not such a huge burst as last night. I am not sure if she was home or not or what. I did not bother to call; I just don't care anymore. Rather, I care, but what will she say 'oh you were right.' I highly doubt it. It seemed she was more interested in dumping on me than anything else, regardless of her first expressed 'I did you a BIG favor' in talking to them at all. The only way she did help me was catching some of them, so I know now for sure who some of them are that are doing it.

This is messing up both me and my dog as I try to stay away from home as much as possible and feel bad leaving my dog behind. I can't leave her in the yard and I know she is scared. She still seems injured, I think from a cop kicking her according to my surveillance tape (which unfortunately didn't get the video, just the audio) and that would not have happened if not for my calling the cops on NsFH, so I feel guilty. One day she was limping all day and I called the vet, but mine was not in. I had a vet appointment this morning and she was not limping, so really (they said bring her in when limping)....how many ways can NsFH find to make a person's life miserable, it is unbelievable. It's not like vets don't have schedules so if my dog limps, they can drop everything and see her and it comes and goes now.

Both my dog and I are having trouble sleeping and last night she woke me at 3AM wanting comfort (often fireworks are set off then too.) Not sure what was going on (maybe she heard another firework that I slept through), but I comforted her, though this is also disrupting my sleep schedule. Even my cats are upset and wanting comfort. As soon as my dog sought comfort, one of my cats sought same. And my other cat jumped 1 1/2 feet in the air with arched back over something NsFH did, which was so dramatic, it really caught my eye and made an unforgettable sight.

Now I am finding poop in my driveway daily for 2 days so far, as I did last year when NFH who rented to new NsFH was here and that was what started the bad blood between us. I confronted him and he just got worse and worse. Likely it was not the wisest move on my part during this confrontation to throw all his dog poops back in his yard and inform him of this (if you are wondering where they came from, I am returning your property to you), but I was furious and considering the creep later tried to kill me for reasons unknown, that was mild compared to the torture he put me through during years here. And really, even the police said if they caught him he'd go to a facility for the mentally ill and not jail, most likely. But he is crafty, as are many NsFH and criminals (often the same thing) and moved before this could happen.

It is just too many coincidences that all the same stuff is happening from the new NsFH he rented to as when he was here and I filed an online police report of suspected conspiracy, stating that he is either nearby or in constant contact with them, IMHO. For all the same things to happen, that is beyond statistical probability to get technical and also it is just common sense this would not normally happen.

I was out part of most of the past 3 days and mostly in a good mood but for NsFH. Like my dog, I have had lingering, new and ongoing health problems. When I woke at 9:30 last night (earlier than I usually turn in), I just took my dog out for her potty run and that is when I heard all the fireworks going off in batches and realized that is likely what woke me up. I usually get up early before it gets hot here to water the plants and am sure I heard a firework go off at 6AM from NFH across the street and another from them last night too after the 9:30 burst down the street. I am so sick of this. And there was again more poop in my driveway this morning.

I have started counseling, but things like 'turn it over to God' just do not cut it for me anymore. I had a sudden realization that as much as I like this counselor and I do feel she is sincerely concerned about me, she really cannot deal with this. Some people truly cannot. I have come to accept that, along with other unpleasant things I have learned about people during the NFH ordeal. They will come up with cliches or empathy or whatever. But to embrace the full reality of the living hell that an NFH or NsFH can cause - many cannot psychologically or emotionally grasp or deal with it. I have to wonder how many people not on this board or other places, are alone and suffering or have killed themselves or committed crimes due to NsFH. When everyone runs from you like you have the plague due to an NFH, mostly it is because they can't deal with it, even if they were willing. I think even the police here are in denial.

With this constant harassment, 'friends' turning on me and even the police disappearing where they were more helpful in the past, it is difficult to stay positive. The economy and real estate market seem to have gone nuts and where I got at least 2 calls a week last year, I have gotten one in a month. My realtor resents that I have called other realtors for advice after he said we should only talk once a week - leaving me with no alternative but to call others if I have questions, IMHO - and now appears to want to be free of me also and I feel like he wasted the most valuable month I had of the summer by doing practically nothing but putting the place on MLS for sale. So I guess I need a new realtor too.

As Texas Treaty said " I found out the hard way that people will take advantage and then when you're not there in the way they want or need you to be, they go away" -- that is definitely happening to me. I feel betrayed, taken advantage of, used or you name it. It is a bitter pill to swallow when you have been friendly with someone for years and they apparently decide you are too much trouble and drop you and find other 'friends' etc, including behavior I have already described. Same for disruption to 'intimate' relationships. But oh, if they need you (the one I am talking about and others), they will call and act like their problems are most important in the world and yours are nothing or you must be OK because you have lived and stayed sane somehow for such a long time with this stuff going on.

And it is very true what Waiting to Exhale said in this: "People say things like "well I would just move" or "I would have punched her in the face". Well, they don't know what the logistics are of selling a place when you can't afford to pay for 2 places. And no one really knows what they do when it comes down to it." This especially when no one is even calling to see your house for sale, you can't figure out why, you are not on your best or nicest behavior because NsFH are making you sick and/or a nervous wreck and so on. Apart from this, I am hearing about more bad neighbor behavior than ever before and truly believe it has become a trend.

As to the statement by WTE about 'fair weather friends,' I do recall my physical therapist telling me this also about an earlier incident I don't recall that upset me by the same woman who just totally alienated me. He said the same thing, quite respectfully "those are what you call your fair weather friend, Ma'am."

These days I appreciate respect more than ever before because, apart from other things, NsFH are so extremely disrespectful that it is truly shocking even to me. I thought I was jaded but to continue this stuff, deny bad behavior when caught red handed etc; it is unreal and/or surreal. And totally disrespectful, to say the least.

I hear people complaining all the time about how bad APD are, how violent they are etc - they are in the news now for it, for killing too many people, using too much excessive force etc. Well, I live here in New Mexico and this is a very violent place. IMHO, the cops should turn off their cameras and take some of these NsFH behind a building and beat the crap out of them. The laws have tilted too much toward rights of criminals and not enough to victim rights. I am sure some of these disrespectful punks would not find it so much fun if they got a good beating or two at the hands of the cops. Of course, if I or a regular citizen did it, we'd be jailed and likely NsFH would be suing for damages - it is ridiculous.

Pretty much the only thing my counselor said to me the other day that made sense was that NsFH are miserable people and 'misery loves company' so they want everyone to be miserable like them. This is also Buddhist theory - people who are happy do not go around terrorizing others or making them unhappy. My Buddhist leader just told me to chant (Buddhist prayer) to sell the house and I am doing that. But I have never seen so many obstacles in my life. And it seems one NFH just leads to another as the good people flee and eventually all that are left are more NsFH - or worse, as is happening now, their friends and relatives move in.

I did learn from another realtor (not mine) that a house down the street recently sold fast and they dropped their price a lot, also very fast. I asked him to look into it, but he did not. I guess I have to call another realtor or hire one. But I am very curious if the reason for the fast sale and low price drop was someone like me desperate to get out of what this area is turning into. I think the place was already vacated before it was sold and maybe I will never know, but I wonder.

Must admit, I am pretty discouraged and depressed a good deal of the time. When my loyal dog got kicked by the cops, she was traumatized and even she bared her teeth at me once, which scared me. She is as mixed up as me. She used to regard the world as a good place; she is friendly to most and most love her. She is not used to be kicked in her own yard for having done nothing wrong and I can tell she is still processing it and won't ever be the same. If I ever get out of here, I doubt I will be either.

Well, thanks for the support and reading this long post for those who did.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 2:20 pm 
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Support groups are a great thing. But I think the limiting factor is that the people need to have the same experiences or they really don't understand each other and can become somewhat judgemental. To the best of my knowledge this is the only real support group (so far) for NFH. I think the counseling could be a good idea, but I would be prepared to shop around on that too until you find someone who gets it.

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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 12:11 am 
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@TiredofThis

I will say I am finding a strength in climbing back up out of the pit. There's no one second-guessing me or crazy-making. I'm learning to trust my own perception and judgment again.

Nobody wants to believe it. Everyone wants the superficial fairy-tale not reality. Go on forums where people have been attacked and dealt with psychopaths or bullies and it's just the same- they are not supported for telling their story, more likely shunned or disbelieved...

Bob B's book details just how the support is no longer in place for when people get NfH, and the victim is vilified and blamed instead. People used to do it ( and some still do ) with sex abuse or rape victims or cases of domestic violence because the denial is too strong- people can't cope with the thought that life is so harsh I think.

'things like 'turn it over to God' just do not cut it for me anymore' gets a bit much doesn't it- especially when you've turned to 'His people' and they have rejected you or refused to help!


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 10:40 am 
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TX Treaty wrote :"Nobody wants to believe it. Everyone wants the superficial fairy-tale not reality. Go on forums where people have been attacked and dealt with psychopaths or bullies and it's just the same- they are not supported for telling their story, more likely shunned or disbelieved...
Bob B's book details just how the support is no longer in place for when people get NfH, and the victim is vilified and blamed instead. People used to do it ( and some still do ) with sex abuse or rape victims or cases of domestic violence because the denial is too strong- people can't cope with the thought that life is so harsh I think.
'things like 'turn it over to God' just do not cut it for me anymore' gets a bit much doesn't it- especially when you've turned to 'His people' and they have rejected you or refused to help!"

All of that is so true. I went out last night to treat myself. I never thought a 'treat' would be driving to the other side of town to bring a gourmet pizza 'home' with my dog as company, but it was. It took maybe 15 minutes til we got out of our 'hood' for my dog to start looking happy and realize I was trying to ease up the stress for her too - or else, maybe she can't stand 'the hood' anymore either and perked up when the sights and smells changed - or else, my stress level dropped, or maybe all of the above. My big brave Doberman (I used to be brave and sometimes still am) was crouched as close to me as she could get. Senseless to talk to a dog, but since talking to people about NsFH is about just as senseless (as per above) I commented 'most dogs look out the window' to her. Well, we got to the nice store where I was treated well and got my pizza and a couple other things, intending to return and watch a movie or something and enjoy the night as best as possible. Again, within 15 minutes of approaching 'the hood' my dog lost her interest in her surroundings and stopped looking happy and was on 'high alert' for danger.

I think I ate one piece of the pizza before the first firework or shot went off from NFH and something changed in both me and my dog. I got angry and she started barking (before would come to me for comfort or try to hide.) I let her out and she continued barking at them until I brought her back in after a few minutes.

After this, despite the nice ride and great tasting pizza, the night was wrecked for me. Only 30 minutes from me on the other side of town is a bustling place full of nice people and some night life and people with nice manners. I don't like bars, but I heard so much 'happy noise' from somewhere, I started looking around to see if it was from a place like that. Anything these days to escape NsFH. I had no other excuse to be in the area unless I went somewhere, not that I could with my dog with me. But after getting 'home', hearing the 'firework/shot' go off soon after and so on, I got really disillusioned and angry. I still feel that way, like 'this is not what I bargained for when I moved here. I used to be happy and want to be again.' I am sure all on this board can relate to that.

I feared retaliation for my dog barking with another firecracker last night, but it didn't happen. Still I could not sleep well and am starting to feel my life is being robbed from me. These miserable people with their petty lives are wrecking mine.

Somehow that trip cleared my head a bit, esp. with my dog reacting like me - depressed and upset both leaving and returning to 'the hood' and happy when out of it. She also has always had a happy disposition til this siege of terror and being kicked recently. Animals do not lie and whether or not it was a reflection of my mood or her own or both, she was on high alert both leaving and coming and relaxed and was happy when out of this area. In fact, I haven't seen her look that happy for a long time.

After the firework was shot off, I got a headache and turned in early - so much for the 'Friday night pizza and movie' idea. Awoke around 3AM and realized that in my funk, I likely had not put the rest of the pizza in the fridge and checked - sure enough, it was still sitting on the counter where I had left it in anticipation of a hopefully nice, quiet night at home. I mean, the police did tell these NsFH across the street who let off the firework/shot to leave me alone, right? So much for that.....

It all makes me feel so sad. I agree with all Tx Treaty wrote and also bob_o wrote similar things. I have Bob B's book, but it is packed from last year when I expected to move and DID get an offer on my house that NM authorities made impossible for me to take. Too long to go into now, but after this former NFH ttied to kill me and I threatened them with a discrimination lawsuit and now they say 'oh you can leave.' Now, for some reason, the housing market is not moving. Gee - thanks (to them). I have to say, this is the most messed up state I ever lived in. The people are flat out mean, nasty and contrary for the most part - it is poor, crime ridden, and apparently wants to stay that way judging from actions of politicians who keep trying to turn back time. People who mistake New Mexico for Mexico or think it is part of Mexico are more accurate than they think, despite that it is technically part of the USA.

When I checked out moving here, we had a Governor that wanted to open the state up to others, promote easy travel between ABQ and Santa Fe and such. He truly cared and made yearly visits to various areas, including mine, to meet with the people and hear their concerns and he did help me with mine. Then his term ran out and the new Gov. immediately set about trying to put everything back to how it was before he came and make this a state for Hispanics only. We here in NM cannot even use our driver licenses as ID for US citizenship, because they are given out here to illegals from Mexico in this 'sanctuary state' and so anyone from NM may or may not be a US citizen. This matter is again on the news. The new Gov. has given much lip service to wanting to change this, but has done nothing.

Yesterday I had to call back to Santa Monica, where I am trying to return and it had been such a long time since someone was truly helpful with no motive, it shocked me to the point I commented on it. So those 2 events (trying to go out for a nice night and having someone be nice to me with no motive) have put me in a funk that I am stuck here and my life is going nowhere and being wrecked by NsFH.

Also yesterday I received an invitation to some politician's 'meet and greet' and called about my NFH situation. Apparently they assumed I lived in ABQ and gave me a number to call for 'constituent services.' Another run around, I eventually was referred back to the Mayor's office of the city where I live. The lady remembered me from a prior call and said she would put me through to Chief of Police or have him call me. I said he already knows my situation and I have heard, ad nauseum, how they don't have enough police and this situation is low priority to them, so there was no point. I ended the conversation by stating I would call if things got worse. That I was filing online police reports now in batches, rather than for every little thing, or I would have nothing else to do with my time. For instance, when the first fireworks started, I would write and/or call the police for such. Now my online reports are something like this: "fireworks for the last four days, animal excrement in my driveway for the past 2 days, suspected conspiracy between neighbors' etc etc.

As per bob_o's statement 'oh, so this is normal' - the main officer who was helping me told me that he has such problems with his own neighbors that he will not go into his backyard with a gun. He encouraged me also to get a gun and take lessons and learn the laws. And he is the one trying to tell me this is not so bad! It is just my perception of things that makes it that way. Really....To repeat bob_o 'oh, so this is normal.....'

I do feel almost like the police are waiting for me to do something wrong and retaliate so they can blame me for this mess, instead of doing their job as I see fit. ABQ is violent, but at least they are used to it there and know how to deal with it. For instance, in my first apartment there, management was on site all day and they had a courtesy security patrol all night - so I never had to call the police. There was always someone there. They had something like a 10 page lease when I moved in about the consequences of bothering other neighbors that was so strict I was told that even if my cat meowed too loud (I had one that did) and someone complained, there would be consequences. And they meant it - they were in court all the time throwing people out under terms of the lease. I did not realize truly what it was like here because THEY DID and had taken precautions to prevent the stuff I am now going through. I remember when I first moved to this street, thinking if my former management was in charge of this street, 80% of the people would have been thrown out immediately.

I hope someone can relate to these "I wish I had never moved here; this is what I have done wrong; how did I get into this situation?' trend of thought/mood I am in now. Of course, all of this brings down my own self confidence because truly, just through ignorance of this state, I wound up in this situation. When people won't even allow you to eat a piece of pizza and watch a movie in piece without threatening you, life is very depressing and it is very hard not to think 'how did I get into this mess?'

I agree this 'turn it over to God' thing does not cut it. I already started seeing another counselor last week and will see how it goes. I felt a lot more peaceful with her. She is covered by my insurance. The other definitely seemed to want to help and I know she is concerned for me, but I do not think she can deal with this. On top of it, because she is seeing me out of the goodness of her heart, I cannot call during a crisis and so on - where the new one is more traditional, with the 'here is my cell for emergencies' and so on. Of course she is being paid and the other is not.

No one is calling on my house for sale (apparently this is now happening all over the ABQ area for reasons unknown) and even the realtor is hostile (I am interviewing another next week) and I suspect lying to me, because I keep asking why no one is calling. Summer is traditionally sales season. Last year, when my mother sent me the money to renovate it for sale and I knocked myself out showing it and had lots of calls and finally did get a good offer is when I should have sold and gone. But no, the overall mentality here blocked it. I know there are NsFH everywhere, but I truly think this state has more than its share and unless I am in a place like my first apartment, I am stuck.

It is true there is no support for people with NsFH as per Bob's book and the runaround I got yesterday. People all say the right things, but in the end, do nothing. Unless it happens to them, they don't care.

When my former NFH tried to kill me, I still have people disbelieving me. By the time I got out of shock and went to the cops, the officer there said he was sure the NFH was just trying to make a wide turn and I had somehow misinterpreted it. I mean, really - don't you think the average person can tell the difference between a bad driver and someone trying to kill them? As Gavin de Becker said in his great book (IMHO) 'Gift of Fear' - "this world worships logic even when it is wrong and degrades intuition, even when it is right." He says fear is a gift because it alerts a person to danger, but our society has drilled this sort of thing, our natural intuitions, out of us and we have to relearn them.

So to the cop and others dealing with such types, they are thinking 'why would he want to kill her? There is no logical reason, so she must have misunderstood it." I mean, really. I understand his thinking and his type, but in fact, there are psychopaths as Tx Treaty said and evil people and there is no logical reason for them. We hear about 'senseless crime' all the time on the news. Since when has crime ever made sense? We hear about people acting like animals when they act badly - IMHO, this is offensive to animals. Most animals do not act badly; they just are not 'logical' to a lot of people.

I do like the Buddhist approach to chant (Buddhist prayer) to sell the house. In near 30 years of being a Buddhist, near everything I chanted for did happen. Sometimes it took years, but it did happen. I think even Einstein said somewhere that Buddhism was the religion of the future - no offense to anyone else practicing any other religion. I personally like any person of any religion that is sincere and do not like the opposite. There are hypocrites in all of them.

But as the founder of the sect I practice, a Buddhist monk, stated "a great human revolution in one person can change the world" and I believe this. For instance, look at all the good Bob B has done in starting this board and bringing NsFH to the public eye as much as possible and trying to make it be taken seriously and not like a Jerry Springer show.

Well, thanks again for the support and again, thanks to anyone who has read this long post. Truly, this board is pretty much the most support I have, so I know most people here can at least relate to what I write instead of shunning me or disbelieving me or blaming me. I'd say the most valuable lesson I have learned from this awful experience is that if I ever get out of here and live somewhere with good neighbors or a place that makes sure they are good (like my last apartment building) to stay there. Even the most wealthy areas have NsFH and as we all know, they can totally ruin your life.


Last edited by tiredofthis on Sat Aug 09, 2014 11:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 10:45 am 
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Also, when you can, try to get out, even if you go alone to thing you enjoy doing. There's a relatively new brewery by me. Last night I went there, had one and bought a growler to take home Watched the sunset and ordered a pizza.

I was awakened by an anxiety attack Thursday morning and hadn't slept well. I sweat a lot and feel hot when I'm having the anxiety attacks. I turned on the AC, let the room get cool and grabbed my favorite fluffy blanket, it helped.

I missed the first couple of seasons of 30 Rock. I'm watching them on Netflix, they make me laugh and relax me so much, I've fallen asleep watching them, which I hardly ever to.

What are the simple comforts and amusements that help you? Things like cuddling with the pup?

Is there a part of the house where they can't torment you and you can make it a sanctuary for you and pup?

I've learned to have very low expectations of others. And so when someone is really helpful, it's a pleasant surprise. But I'm pretty much on my own. I live alone, and I think that's harder for those of us who don't have a spouse or significant other to go through this with.

But all of us here are resourceful and strong. I found a bluetooth ear piece that has a video record function. That with dialing 911 and being ready to hit dial makes me less afraid to go to the door to get the pizza.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 10:51 am 
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Some thoughts, is there a room which can be insulated from the fireworks sound? During this past 4th of July some of my friends kept their pooches in laundry rooms so the sounds wouldn't make the pet anxious. Do you have a room like this? If so, can you fix it up with some chairs/table and make that a safe place in your home?

Also do you have a camera you can leave up in the window with time/date stamp to record the fireworks?


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 3:10 pm 
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Thanks for all the feedback. WTE, what kind of bluetooth did you get? I think something like that would be very helpful here. I have a wired surveillance camera, but it only gets my driveway and nearby areas, though often gets more sounds.

There really is no room to go hide in and NsFH have been setting off fireworks from across the street and in the back yards and front yards of my street, so really - where is there to go? Both my dog and I have very sensitive hearing, but sometimes they have been so loud that I think a deaf person could hear them. Like the other night we had a bad thunderstorm and at the first crack of very loud thunder, I could not tell if it was a firework or thunder til I saw raindrops coming down.

I have to admit to being pretty down right now. climahelu, were you referring to the lady who told me I did everything wrong when you said she would make a very dangerous enemy? I thought we were close and now this happens, I really do not get it. At the time, I just agreed with everything she said and did not argue - which is pretty much what you said to do, if I read what you wrote correctly. Like at one point after telling me I did not know how to hold a conversation, she more or less screeched at me 'why don't you ask me how my day was? So I meekly said 'how was your day?' and she told me. But I have to say, after the fact, I really resent being treated like that. If she wanted to tell me how her day was, she should have just told me and not said I had to do it specifically as she wanted.

I do not intend calling her again and hope she does not call me. I thought we were good friends, but I guess I was wrong all this time. When she cried on my shoulder for hours and days about how her ex dumped her very viciously (he did), I felt badly for her. But now I see there are 2 sides to every story and though I never liked her ex, I imagine the way he left was likely an outlet for years of abuse. I am sure she would not ever think she was abusive to him, but considering how she is treating me, she likely was. Though I may write/talk a lot when I do, I also do listen - I am not just waiting for the other person to stop so I can talk. And I do recall one of her complaints about him was he said she was always trying to control him. Considering how she just told me I was doing everything wrong, including not knowing how to have a conversation, I am more inclined to believe that now than previously. She told me he was complaining to all his friends about her, who called her 'the b*tch' and she felt she had done everything for him and he was not appreciative. I sort of understand why he left more now. Especially as she also told me he had been trying to tell her for years, but she would not listen (talk about someone who talks over people.....) I know she feels she has done a lot for me and apparently thinks I am not appreciative, but she conveniently forgets all the hours I listened to her, all the people I referred her to in order to save her money and so on. - IDK, the whole thing is just really depressing to me. I don't open up to someone unless I expect them to be around for a while, like a lasting friend, long term partner etc. I don't expect them to perfect, but this is too much. I really don't see how she could have told me such intimate things and still consider me an 'acquaintance.' I wish I had never told her half of what I did and only toward the end did I say something, after I had started to distrust her and she blew up and said 'either you trust me or you don't and don't talk to me if you don't.' I felt bullied into saying 'I trust you' after that, but I was already starting to distrust her. This because, among other reasons, she made an unsolicited comment that she had not been talking about me behind my back. She obviously was (and feeling guilty) to have said that.

My counselor summed her up at first right away by stating 'this is someone you will only hear from when she wants something' and 'it is always going to be all about her.' That is, if she did anything for me, there was always some ulterior motive. Well, I could go on and on, but I am sure the point comes across.

I really would like to know more about that bluetooth because it would be great here. NsFH typically set off fireworks where I can't see them. I am going to guess the ones that my neighbor caught (that started this whole harangue on her part about my shortcomings) were fairly new to doing this and joining in with other NsFH. Seasoned criminal types usually do not do things so openly as setting them off where they can be seen, as these did. Like Ms. NFH across the street comes across as a little angel. If not for my surveillance camera audio, which I watched and listened to after she denied setting off fireworks to the cops and realized she had lied to the cop about more than one thing (very sweetly, apparently), I would be taken in by her too. It was due to that, that when I caught her son and his friend (the NFH the above neighbor caught setting off fireworks) trespassing on my property, that there were no niceties on my part. I already knew NFH was a liar due to the surveillance camera, I knew they were there to make trouble and so on and just told them to get lost without beating around the bush or trying to be nice to them.

The fireworks started the day after this NFH thought of a way to get into my house by offering to fix my shower, which she did. When I told that to my counselor, she said all this was due to jealousy on the part of this NFH (not to mention, I see now how she manipulated her way into my house.)

Maybe to some other neighbors on this street, I may seem like the Wicked Witch of the West for this, while NsFH are acting all sweet and innocent, but what can you do? Eventually the truth always comes out, in my experience. Often too late to save me from suffering slander and a bad image, but it does always come out.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 5:48 pm 
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This is what I have now, but Looxcie is getting out of the video camera market:
http://www.amazon.com/Looxcie-LX2-Weara ... B0055QYIY8

But I don't know how good it would be for getting fireworks. Do they taper off once summer ends? Is there any room in the house you could soundproof so the sounds don't get in? And crank up some white noise (air conditioning/ocean sounds cd, etc) to help drown it out? I usually run my AC even if it's not too hot around the 4th of July because it helps mask the noise of the fireworks.

Yeah, it is funny how they forget everything you've done for them, isn't it? My friend I mentioned is a free lance writer and I would talk with her for hours about worries she had with publishers, editors. I didn't think anything of it, that's what friends do for each other. And even with my own problems, I'd ask her about her projects and how her husband and dog were.

Since you understandably don't want her as an enemy, I'd be surface friendly, not tell her anything personal about you and keep the conversations short. "Gotta go, I have xyz to do" (even if you have to make something up).


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 6:55 pm 
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I too hate fireworks, and I will be requesting at the next meeting that they are banned in our HOA since our individual co-pay for a place burning down is now $15 000...I think it's time they were banned full-stop to be honest, but we only get them around 4 July and around 1st of the year. They are almost all pathetic examples of pyrotechnics and frankly people must be mad to waste their money on them...but they do...

I keep out of my consciousness a lot of noise with white noise machines such as Marpac ( here on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Marpac-Dohm-DS-Sp ... se+machine )
All but one are switched off now NfH have gone.
They last a long time even with continuous use.

I also have air filter machines from Target which make a similar noise and purify the air a bit.

When the noise was at its worst I wore shooting ear muffs as a last resort....


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 11:54 am 
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I am going to add my 2 cents here --- PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE stop wasting your time on people who do not give a $%#@ about you. I understand, really! My husband helped a family out by providing work over 1 winter with less for us, also installed flooring in their home ($400-500 worth in free labor), helped with their driveway.....and they would not help us at all with NFH, they looked the other way every time, they knew it was going on, saw it....nothing!!! We no longer communicate with them and since they moved, well, I am NOT heartbroken. As others said, keep it on the surface if you have to keep the lines of communication open.

Also, I know this is really hard, believe me, I would have slapped someone for telling me this but once I understood the concept, it really helped my husband and I to cope a little bit better, not a lot but enough to keep us focused on selling our house soonish. Here goes:
1) EMOTIONALLY DETACH YOURSELF FROM THE NFH (every time you think about them, STOP yourself and switch to something positive or a good memory, whatever...anything to help...you may have to do this over and over and over and over until it sinks in (I am so stubborn it took me over 3 years to get this concept) :roll: Think about them ONLY when having to deal with them. As others have stated, treat it like a business.
2) BE PROACTIVE ---- NOT REACTIVE!!! Fireworks, dog barking, etc. ~~ wear ear plugs, turn on a fan on high or A/c with fan on high (we have been doing this for over a year and an half now) AND TUNE THESE #$@% LOW LIFE'S OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!! They get off on you responding and you bet the previous SOB told his new renter to harass you (fireworks, etc.) because it gets a rise out of you. Take many, many deep breathes......white noise (others have stated this on the board).
3) NO ONE and I mean NO ONE understands what you are going through (friends/family) than this board of fellow sufferers. Someone commented to me the other day that my troubles with the NFH must have disappeared. I laughed and said, 'hardly!' We no longer talk about the NFH to others, no one understands. I got tired of people asking what was I doing???? huh???? Or the advice to ignore them, they will go away. That one is laughable, tragic but laughable!
4) I would agree somewhat with the cop who suggested for you not to watch all those shows like Stalking, etc. I do not think you should stop watching altogether per se, I would limit them. Instead, in my humble opinion, please focus on positive topics or shows or instruction. Take body defense lessons, or gun safety lessons, watch good t.v/movies that promote laughter or a good feeling, etc. Be proactive and build your self-esteem so you can cope a little better.
5) Perspective on NFH. Nothing will change, the harassment will be there, sometimes worse then others, but accept until one moves or they move or die, realize that the only thing you have control over is you! So listen to good mood music (if you are into opera music, rock, etc.) focus on the good that you have built up in your life over the years. Volunteer somewhere. Research to understand how to handle your situation better. Wiki has some great topics to browse through, I have been reading some myself, like: how to not absorb others' negative attitude/behavior. And quite a few others. Do internet research to build up your self-esteem.
6) Get out more, if possible. Go to art galleries and laugh at some of the artwork on display. Go to museums or the park or walk on the beach...wherever you will find happiness.
7) DO NOT TAKE ON THEIR PROBLEM, this harassment is their problem, not yours! I know it is aimed at you (as it is aimed at all of us on this board dealing with a NFH). This is NEVER about you! It is all on them. They are whacked in their head and anyone behaving like this is off their rocker!
8~ Put up cameras (be it trail cameras, bird watching type of cameras or a camera system with a DVR). Make sure your state allows audio, some states do not! And personally if I had to install our cameras around our home, I would hide them. Research like mad to find what works best in your situation. Some on this board have to live by HOA rules, so find cameras that are tiny but work well with your situation. One can hide them behind flowers or bushes or decorative ornaments hanging on your door or in a window, etc.
9) Stand tall while outside, fake it if you have to...smile or laugh at something. We use to find dog poop in our yard, we would shrug it off, there was no way knowing who was doing this...the little stupid petty things, try and brush them off. I know it makes one mad/livid having to endure this crap! Keep your courage and strength for those big moments when dealing with the bigger stuff these NFH do.
10) These NFH are so pathetic. Their behavior alone is something strange out of this world!! Remind yourself how thankful you are NOT like them. I find when I am grateful that I am NOT like them, I seem to feel better. Take time to feel grateful and remind yourself of your accomplishments in life! I use to wig out and get mad (I have a temper) but realized I was wasting precious energy. I started focusing it on how to cope better in this situation, researched online to learn about life skills I was lacking, etc.
11) Alternate your schedule, do not arrive or leave at the same time every day, if possible. I water our lawn but have to change up the time when watering the lawn. If I am spotted, and I frequently am, some goober will drive by or walk by starring at me (not too long ago, some beefy guy was walking a small dog, I have never seen this guy before in the neighborhood and it was a 5:03 am when he walked by and I was watching him and he was starring at our house and the dog almost tripped him up several times).

It is so challenging and the battle to keep fighting wears one down...remember these people are emotional vampires, sociopaths and they will keep harassing what seems like 24/7 and strength coming from who knows where...but you know what? They can stick it where the sun don't shine!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 12:43 pm 
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One thing works for me when watching tv. I recently put a 2nd tv in my bedroom (other is in the living room). I don't have a cable box, but I have a Roku streamer which lets you plug in headphones. I have a nice insulated set of headphones which look like the ones in the link below:

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/skullcandy- ... Id=8847759

You may be able to find them even cheaper at a discount store. I bought mine at TJMaxx for less than that amount. I have the AC going to, even if it's just on fan. I watch something funny, my favorite is 30 Rock. Technically the insomnia experts say you shouldn't watch any tv, but I find watching something funny short circuits my tendency to ruminate at night when I have the chance to stop thinking and relax.

Plus, if I fall asleep and the headphones come out, I won't wake myself up or anyone else with a loud blast of sound.

Now, if I could screen out the smoke smell from when they smoke and it wafts up from their window to mine in the kitchen/living room. Maybe fans blowing outwards would do that.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 3:42 pm 
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Thanks for all the tips and advice. Yesterday pretty much pushed me over the edge because - 1, I came out to find a dead toad/frog on my doorstep first thing in the morning (which is also deadly to dogs and I had to grab it out of my dog's mouth) and 2, every time I went in the kitchen last night (it is in the front of the house), NsFH would set off a shot or firework, which completely frazzled my nerves. Bad enough for them to do this to me outside, but in my own house?

This morning started with yet another firework and so much barking from their dogs and their relative's dogs down the street, I swear it would wake the dead and my dog barked and cried off and on for hours. So I could not take it anymore. I called Animal Control, who always says they will get there when they get there (usually a day or so late) and the City Manager's office, who is going to talk to the Chief of Police and update him on this. I'm not sure what kind of reaction I will get, but I truly feel I will lose my mind if this goes on much longer.

There is NO white noise loud enough to drown out all the noise from the fireworks and barking combined. Some of those fireworks may be gun shots, I have no idea. My dog awakened me again last night due to nightmares and I have a hard time sleeping as it is.

I have looked up the phone video/camera and it is a bit pricey for me right now, not to mention I have to get a smart phone first. But I am watching it on eBay. Amazon seems lower, but still. I do have a surveillance camera, but can't catch these creeps on it and can't afford a full system on my house, esp. as I am trying to sell it. Apparently, at least in the ABQ area, this is the slowest real estate market in years, so the idea of being stuck here forever is a bit overwhelming. Both my dog and I are freaked out, can't enjoy life and having trouble sleeping and/or nightmares.

I did go out most of the day yesterday, as per MM's suggestions (or one of them) and had a nice time. Seems the nicer time I have (maybe NsFH can tell from my clothes, amount of time gone etc), the worse they act. Actually it was BOTH my front rooms last last that they set off fireworks/gun shots after seeing me in them or lights in those rooms. After a while, I was tempted to go in the kitchen in the dark if I wanted something to eat/drink - it is ridiculous. And also depressing.

Yes, MM, no one understands but people here, nor do they want to. Other neighbors will not get involved. The house next to me has been for sale all summer and seems there is high turnover now of rentals, bringing yet more transients and instablity to this area. 'Friend' neighbors disappear like roaches when the lights come on and really, it is not a good view of human nature.

I did read all the suggestions by MM and will try to follow as many as I can that I do not already do. But I have to say, I am very depressed today. I mean, the cops came out and told both them and me not to deal with each other. So now if they are setting off fireworks/shots at me when they see me in my house or the light come on in a room, I can't go over there and talk to them. So that is why I called the Mayor's office/city manager's office today since they are the only ones who can talk to them.

Since they moved in and after the unforgettable (to me) day I left new NFH in my home hoping to become friends and having bought her phony friendly manipulative act, within a month I have found a bullet casing on my street (which could harm or kill me) and now yesterday a toad which could have killed my dog. I mean, this is too much. So we can't go outside without fearing for our lives and if I use the front of my house (kitchen and one other room) they will shoot at me with a firework or Lord knows what when they see the lights on?

Thank goodness I went out the rear door yesterday morning first and not the front door, as if I saw that dead toad there the very first thing in the morning, not sure how I would have reacted. Bad enough seeing it at all and having to grab it out of my dog's mouth.

Thank goodness I got through to a crisis line and though they are not supposed to give opinions, when they heard about the toad, the worker there was so disgusted, she spat out 'that is sick!'

No, this is too much. I think if I don't somehow get out of here soon I will totally lose my mind. Hopefully the cops will have something new to say rather than the same old runaround. Otherwise, I truly have no idea what to do to save my sanity - despite all the helpful tips and I will continue to try them.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 8:01 pm 
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one suggestion, leave the lights on in the front rooms from dusk 'til dawn. And have window coverings thick enough so they can't see you move around/enter a room. I wouldn't suggest turning them off when you go to bed because they'll start setting them off then to keep you from sleeping


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 9:55 pm 
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Agree with thick window coverings, leave lights on etc. Don't let the NfH know what it is you're doing/where you are in the house.

My white noise machines are in strategic places and dampen much of the sound except for when the children hammered on the walls- but the HOA stopped that with fines. Eventually.

Saw new neighbors standing around outside today, they stopped talking and tried to stare me down, I just looked at them and they had a little girl @ 3 with them who smiled so I smiled back at her. Hey, I've got social skills and who knows, I may be one of the few people she came into contact with today who has! And I waved at my other neighbors who were also outside, then got in my car and drove off.

I figure the people who own next door and their family/friends of white trash they let use the place have already somewhat spoiled it here for me, so I'll be damned if I let them upset me any more, well damned if I let them see it anyway. They break a rule or harass me in any way I'll make a complaint, in writing, calmly and unemotionally. I won't greet them or speak to them or try to be nice, and if the owner tries to talk to me at the next meeting I'll have something worked out to say to him too.

What makes me laugh is how such scum- for want of better description- suddenly become victims when the spotlight is turned on them...I'm the bad guy for wanting to live unmolested in the home I paid for!

But maybe that's what a lot of it is- they don't pay their own way?

Anyway, it is what it is...and there's a well-established paper trail back to them now if they damage anything of mine or devalue my property or harass me...

Where are they getting the fireworks? It's not legal to sell them only certain dates here.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 10:09 pm 
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Not at all Climahelu, I don't go looking for offense especially where it's not meant!

I think one of the maddening things about all this is losing your sense of self, your sense of judgment, of taking on another ( warped ) person's perspective...crazy-making. It's horrible to think people have some power to betray you and turn other people against you. But the truth is people who are so easily swayed and so disloyal aren't worth caring about either.

I know my NfH have turned themselves into victims, told people I am crazy unreasonable or whatever.

One day I heard the disturbed child say 'she attacked me' and I yelled down to them all you better call the police then if you think that...the kids slinked off, only the youngest turned and said 'he tells lies'. The worst thing about living next to them was wondering if the kids were safe or abused and why they were so messed up already...at least twenty times I looked up the CPS number and wondered if I needed to call.

But a strength has come out of this for me too, in that I don't need anyone else's approval to know what's right, it's what's right for me when I examine myself and my own behavior. And I did nothing to any of this family, except asked them to stop harassing me and stop devaluing my property. They should have taken me seriously, apologized and shut up.

And the hostility from the new people last night- I shall take that as a good thing. I don't have to make nice with people I don't like, and they know already I will put in complaints if they bother me.

If that makes me the nasty person on the block...well it's the only thing I can do.

Actually the person who puts in most of the complaints though is their ( and my ) other neighbor...she films people and is incredibly nosy and exactly who I won't become through all this!

It's not fair she doesn't ever put her name to anything so I get tagged with her weirdness too on top of everything else...but there's nothing I can do right now about that.

Rambling again...but I am regaining my perspective: who cares what the neighbors think?!


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 1:58 pm 
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I feel angry at all our situations!!! Angry that we all have to be a target/brunt end of these low life's daily activities, as if life is not hard enough at times?! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

I was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2006, long before the NFH issues. I also have a chronic life threatening illness and other health issues, so believe me, I had to find a way to cope better. Inside our home is our sanctuary. I cannot stress enough to make the inside of your home a sanctuary. Use whatever ear plugs, fans, etc. Yes, fireworks are really loud and they scare the crap out of me, and i remind myself that I am not the only one affected, other people who have dogs around probably get annoyed too. When the NFH drive by (they have been doing this since Oct/Nov 2011) and walking by late at night, I remind myself that this a public street and anyone can walk or drive down this street. When the NFh park within inches of our property, again, I tell myself, this is a public street and anyone can park there, is no different when we lived in 2 different big cities, people parked all along streets and there were walkers, joggers, etc. So, I guess I rationalize their behavior in order to cope better.

I have to remind myself EVERYDAY to do the previous post above where I listed some info on how to cope or deal with these SOB's....My husband and I even speak aloud to remind each other when these @#^& idiots drive by or do other stuff we say aloud: do not take it personally, it is their waste of time and space, not ours; it is not our problem; emotionally detach...we will be moving soon.

I resent the years wasted, 5+ years so far....we have not been able to enjoy our own yard, front or back. The enabling and protection these NFH get from the neighbors around here sends me reeling!!! Everything we have done (legally and lawfully has only blown up in our face dealing with the NFH). I have to remind myself again and again, to stop thinking about them, unless something is happening, I do not need to think about them. I do not have faith in law enforcement anymore. And I use to volunteer for a police dept. for 2+ years back in another state where I use to live.

Also, different ones on this board brought up some great suggestions, I guess what I would like to remind everyone to find those "holes" in your life and home that make one an easy target. We changed up our life so that these scumbags could not get at us like they use to. We have become unpredictable and that has thrown off the NFH.

Yesterday, fireworks went off, right after a thunderstorm here. These nutjobs waste little time, but we shrugged and said again, it is all on them, we refuse to take on their problem of being pathetic, emotionally detach, etc.....

I know I should not have but I found a website on funny revenge on your neighbors and had such a good laugh at some of the funny situations one could do, not terrible stuff per se, just LOL moments.


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 Post subject: Re: Now what?
Unread postPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 3:27 pm 
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TOT ~ I think this has been brought up before, but would you consider renting to a college gal or guy? Find a real estate lawyer and write out a lease agreement to protect yourself. I know a widow (a nice woman too) who rented out her home to a college kid, a male. She had a lease drawn up by a lawyer, etc. I was thinking about this so that at least you can make a little money and have another person around. College kids are always on the lookout for an inexpensive room/apartment to rent. You could contact the local college and see how to get on their list.


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